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Slamhain III: Skeleton Cruise- October 8th, 2016
Pre-show announcements: Party World Rasslin' is a free, all-ages party and rasslin' spooktacular! Content may not be suitable for children. Swim in the depths of delicious 4th Tap Beer, but only if you are 21+!] A submerged wrestling ring...an unearthed treasure...an ancient curse...barnacled goblins...skeleton pirates... At any other time of year, these things would terrify us. But October is the season of SLAMHAIN - when ghosts are our friends and bones our buds! It's time to FACE OUR FEARS and ASSAIL THE SEVEN SEAS! It's time to witness spine-shattering, scapula-cracking, rib-popping rasslin spectacle aboard a sunken ship! With invincible spirits, it's time to embark... on a SKELETON CRUISE! An underground cavern abounds with CORAL WRATH, flanked by suckering SEA ENEMIES! Feeling down? Time 2 drown! ADVENTURE IS FINALLY HERE! A black vessel bristles with ill intent – SKULLS BUBBLING FROM ITS DECKS. This ship is cursed, ok? That's a given. There's only one thing to do in an undead, antediluvian ship: WRESTLING! Our roster prepares to submerge along with the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE, to wage MARITIME MAYHEM! The Party World Rasslin' World Partyweight Championship belt hangs in the balance – and cybersharks encircle the battlefield, ready to pounce whenever they smell blood. Do you smell?! PREPARE FOR SQUALLOWEEN RITUAL! ~The Wrestling Card~ ---------------------------------- Dock Master vs. Dan "The Man" Ziglar PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MAIN EVENT! *************************** It's really happening. How can you want more than this?! In a NO DISQUALIFICATION BATTLE, the gloves come off! Except for Dan, who must wear gloves as part of a sponsorship deal with Under Armor. But figuratively - no gloves! Anything goes as Dock Master, the legendary longshoreman, tries to end Ziglar's championship brand! NARRC (The North American RailRoad Commission) vs. The Clawrmy *************************** The North American RailRoad Commission is bringing TRAIN LAW to the low seas! They'll clash with the crustacean enforcers of MARITIME MARTIALITY - the CLAWRMY! Trains vs. Crabs, essentially! The Primo Family vs. The Suplex Predators BEST FRIENDS FOREVER TITLE MATCH *************************** A REAL Italian pizza chef and his son made of pasta are our current BFF champs. But a reformed Australian poacher and his pet tiger are on the hunt! It’s the most dangerous game...UNDERWATER WRESTLING! Hot Dog vs. Big Daddy Bolero *************************** Punk rock and MD2020 fan Hot Dog continues to wage war against authority, wealth and fatherhood. Big Daddy Bolero is a Stetson-clad oilman who's lookin' to "reform" Hotdog - Dallas style!!! Nightmayor vs. Baron Zahkey vs Victor Von Vang Necroweight Championship Match! *************************** These three all have good reason to hate each other, but only one can win the NECROBELT - and the losers may be absorbed by its soul-sucking power! Wow...pretty high stakes! DadBod Vs.Pinkeye Garbageweight Championship Match! *************************** One wrestler is literal trash...the other is metaphorical trash! Pinkeye challenges Dadbod for his title! But who is the bigger garbage person?! Wrestling will guide us to knowing… Theodosia + California Howdy vs. Chad Blitz + ??? *************************** The unfrozen colonial woman, Theodosia, teams up with Texas's favorite, drunkest son! They'll face cruel surfer dude Chad Blitz and his MYSTERY PARTNER! A message from Chubby Uncle Juan *************************** At our last show, Chubby Uncle Juan's puppet friend Puggin'Head has injured by Dadbod. Chubby Uncle Juan has asked to make an announcement from the ring. We're happy to provide him the time to do this. Plus: The Intergalactic Express return! Bench Horse tries to go underwater! Skeletons! Ghost Pirates! The return of Poseiborg? Enjoy a completely transformed underwater brewery, replete with craft beers! Witness brave ring-buccaneers battle for treasure! This will be the most insane nautical Halloween party that has ever occurred. This is a historical truth. Post-show Announcements: A NEW World Partyweight Championship ANOINTED… A CURSE LIFTED… A NEW FLAVOR OF HELLSPORT REVEALED…A PROMISE OF FUTURE BATTLES SWORN! At Slambeard's Ship- 69,000 Leagues Under the Sea TRVE KVLT PARTY VIOLENCE conquered! On Saturday, the Multiverse embarked upon a SKELETON CRUISE—and nearly capsized! We stole aboard a ghostly ship, the legendary QUEEN SLAM’S REVENGE, fearless and thick with party fire. We all narrowly avoided a watery grave at the hands/tentacles of POSEIBORG, a KRAKEN and HELLSPORT GLOBAL. And now we’re here to tell the tale! The evening began with The Slambits attempting to pillage DONGERMAN’S CHEST from its perch in a sunken ring. But by trespassing in the domain of the Captain Slambeard and his skeleton crew, they let loose an ancient curse! SLAMBEARD, mad with undeath and isolation, summoned the foul KRACKEN- who wrought havoc upon all in sight. But Slambeard’s ritual of summoning accidentally invoked another—TIMMY QUIVERS! Our beautiful undead son spewed from the squid’s mouth! Once freed, TQ spewed his own party liturgy! ** The Intergalactic Express DEFEATS The Kracken, SAVES THE DAY; AUDIENCE The night’s wrestling ritual was set to begin - but alas! The robotic ruler of the deep, Poseiborg, had other plans! He cursed the ENTIRE AUDIENCE and forbade the show from continuing. But a bargain was reached—if anyone could defeat The Kracken in rasslin’ combat, the curse would be lifted! Luckily, The Intergalactic Express was on vacation in the audience, and accepted the challenge! These heroic alien beings made short work of the terrestrial tentacles. Poseiborg tried to keep his word— but Jeff of HELLSPORT GLOBAL, our benevolent sponsor, intervened. He had purchased the rights to Poseiborg’s curses! He wrenched Poseiborg's Trident from the cybernetic demigod and recursed the entire audience and commanded the ghost pirates to continue their eternal suffering. Dang! **Hot Dog BITES BACK, DEFEATS Big Daddy Bolero Next, Big Daddy Bolero announced a gentlemanly grappling exhibition! This was to feature his protege - HOT DOG, who was definitely not kidnapped and trained with a shock collar under extreme duress! Our formerly-disheveled drunken trash hero had affected the mustache and white-walls of his ward. And his slacks and collared shirt were assuredly not punk! But Big Daddy Bolero seemed to have really trained him - his wrestling style was UTTERLY GENTLEMANLY! Bolero took every opportunity to “test” Hot Dog’s gentlemanliness: cheating, berating, and abusing him. Finally, Hot Dog couldn’t take anymore of this sham, and struck back with the furious, flailing abandon he’s known for! A tight O’Connor roll cinched the dog’s victory! Referee Iron O'Brien handed the former Garbageweight Champion his recovered battle jacket. HOT DOG is back—but how deep has his imbuements gone? How much NIGHT TRAIN will he have to imbibe to undue Bolero’s brutal training? **STEAMED TO THE BITS: NARRC (The North American RailRoad Commission) DEFEATS AND MUTILATES The Clawrmy The night’s third match saw the crustacean forces of the CLAWRMY battling the North American Rail-Road Commission (NARRC)! A Pearl Harbor attack from behind set PRIVATE PRAWN CENA and CAPTAIN CRAB on the defensive. But the clawed enforcers of MARITIME LAW pinched back heroically! In the end, TRAINLAW ran rampant and Bull DeCroix, The Conductor, and THE CHEFEREE cooked the CLAWRMY into gumbo. It was violent, tragic, and extremely messed up. ** Best Friends Forever Tag Team Championship: The Primo Family RET. OVER The Suplex Predators (DOUBLE HORSE DISQUALIFICATION) As we all reeled from the travesty we had witnessed, THE PRIMO FAMILY hit the ring to help restore our faith in the world of friendship, pizza, and pasta. Our Best Friends Forever Champions were to defend their belts against The SUPLEX PREDATORS! A back-and-forth bout saw Pastaman and Booma the Tiger trying to become friends amidst their tag partners’ bitter objection. Before a conclusive victory could be reached, Bench Horse attacked everyone! The match was a wash, and everyone was nearly killed - but by using the power of BFF belts, the PRIMOS and PREDATORS fused together with their newfound friendship! The gestalt tag-team entity known as PREDATOR PRIME emerged! This pasta/tiger/pizza chef/hunter hybrid PRIME SLAMMED the horse and sent him whinnying away. The Primo Family retained their titles, and everyone made a new friend! And Bench Horse made some new enemies… ** Garbageweight Championship: Pinkeye GROUNDS HER OWN DAD, DEFEATS DadBod Another title match followed. Dadbod, the GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION of PWR, squared off with PINK EYE! A shocking video revealed PINK EYE’s past and where the “Dad” in Dadbod’s name comes from: her! Emotions rocketed as the two father-daughter garbage-rivals clashed. Finally, PINKEYE hit a furious TRASH COMPACTOR on Dadbod, seizing her destiny and casting aside Dadbod’s legacy! Congratulations to our new GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION! ** Necroweight Championship: Victor Von Vang RETURNS TO FACE Nightmayor; BOTH DEFEATED BY Baron Zahkey “We gotta have more belts,” the submerged Multiverse crowed—and we delivered! THE NECROWEIGHT MATCH featured a triangle of terror: Barron Zahkey, Victor Von Vang, and the NIGHTMAYOR (mayor of all night and reigning Necroweight champ). Nightmayor and Victor Von Vang, formerly the closest friends, fought bitterly—while their perennial rival, Barron Zahkey, capitalized on their distraction with power moves! Even after fighting off all of Nightmayor’s skeletal minions and delivering 3 BLOODSLAMS on various competitors, Victor Von Vang was caught in Zahkey’s artificially-enhanced RED SCARE. The move that ended his career years ago once again devastated Victor, and Zahkey was crowned the NEW NECROWEIGHT CHAMPION. In a shocking turn of events, Zahkey used the power of the Necrobelt to absorb the soul of the NIGHTMAYOR—and hauled Victor away for unknown and horrendous purposes. While we congratulate our new NECROWEIGHT CHAMPION, we hope that it will one day be destroyed, before the world falls to its power. **INTRODUCING: Hellsport Black As the pall of spookiness that the NECROWEIGHT MATCH cast over the sunken ship subsided, Dan "The Man" Ziglar, the PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION, took to the ring with Hellsport’s Jeff. HELLSPORT BLACK was introduced - a new flavor of the ‘legal’ and ‘safe to drink’ sports beverage. Filled with nanites, gasoline, and other savory and water-soluble ingredients, we all heralded this…good…drink. Dock Master had no patience for this advertisement - and cut to the chase! He questioned Dan’s strength and spirit, and promised to throttle him later in the night! Dan, in desperation, DRANK A FULL CAN OF HELLSPORT BLACK! He collapsed, and the state of our main event became a mystery! Was Dan dead? Was he still human? Was he…something more? ** Chubby Uncle Juan RIDES AGAIN A heartfelt message from Chubby Uncle Juan came next. He announced he was dropping the charges against Dadbod, who had broken his nephew-puppet Puggin’Head’s neck. All he asked for was an apology. We were all flabbergasted but humbled by Juan’s grace. Dadbod did the unthinkable—attacking Chubby Uncle Juan and putting him in the same piledriver hold he’d used against our puppet pal only three months previous! Security dragged him away. We apologize to our fans that they had to witness something so ugly and unhinged. ** ICE WOMAN, BEER MAN PUMMELED BY HELLSPORT’S CELEBRITY MIGHT We returned to sporting competition with another tag team match. Theodosia and California Howdy faced down CELEBRITY SURFER Chad Blitz and his HELLSPORT MUTANT goldfish, Goldie! Chad and Goldie used the questionable and slippery fish tactics to gain an advantage, but Theo and California’s team work was in full effect! Theo’s athleticism and power-from-the-past combined with Howdy’s LONESTAR-FUELED strength put the surfer and the fish at bay! But when Chad super kicked a can of HELLSPORT into Howdy’s face, the tide turned. A TOTAL WIPEOUT delivered by Goldie and Chad put Howdy down for the 1-2-3. After helping the blinded California Howdy to his feet, Theodosia donned Howdy’s Lonestar armor— seemingly cementing her commitment to standing with Howdy in RESISTANCE against HELLSPORT! The battle continues! ** YOUR MAIN EVENT: Dock Master RISES AGAIN, DEFEATS Dan "The Man" Ziglar IS CROWNED NEW PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION ** And then, the main event. A no-disqualification match between Partyweight Champion DAN ‘THE MAN’ ZIGLAR and DOCK MASTER. But where was Dan? Had he died when he drank Hellsport Black? No—but he had CHANGED. He emerged with his entourage dressed fully in white—with pupils wildly dilated and all color flushed from his corneas. Dock Master stood stolid. A clothesline from Dan that nearly turned Dock inside out showed that Dan had changed inside as well as out. He was stronger—somehow enhanced. A series of fierce reversals and hard strikes went back and forth between the two titans of Party Violence. Then the battle spilled out the ring - and Dock and Dan fought their way through the Multiverse itself! Blows to the head poured freely from the BATTLE CARAFES of DAN and DOCK; they slammed each other with kegs, brewing tanks, and the floor. Finally, a clever dodge saw Dan in Dock Master’s clutches - and a power slam on a table put Dan temporarily down. He was carted to the ring like a sack of potatoes - but fired up again, attacking with a wooden sword! Dock secured his own - and a swashbuckling welt-fest ensued. Both wrestlers reeled from the pain. The abnormally strong Dan used his cunning and newfound strength to dominate the Nova Scotian. But Dock Master rose like the tide—and countered Dan’s favored VISIBLE HAND OF CAPITALISM with the seldom-seen BLUENOSE brought down with the force of a crashing wave! Dock Master pinned Dan for the 3 count. A new Partyweight Champion was crowned. Dan’s reign had ended. Despite his injuries and loss, Dan seemed defiant. His bleached eyes looked hatefully into our new champion’s steely blue ones, and then he walked away. Slambeard asked Dock Master to use the power of the Partyweight Belt to free him and his cursed crew. Dock Master, always a friend to men of the sea and all in need, did so gladly. The curse was lifted from the pirates. The curse is lifted from the Multiverse—and the QUEEN SLAM’S REVENGE can rest at ease! We at PWR HQ are glad that Dan the Man Ziglar has finally been dispatched and will never bother us again, for any reason, at all, ever in the future, and that the Partyweight Championship Belt is finally safe in the hands of Dock Master, where it will almost assuredly remain in perpetuity forever with no complications! But what of HELLSPORT GLOBAL? Who will Dock Master’s next challenger be? Why did Bench Horse attack so rampantly? The Skeleton Cruise has ended—but the pursuit of PARTY VIOLENCE continues…on December 10th! Category:Show Category:Event